♥ Assalamualaikum ♥
hai, everyone. i hope we all start our day with grateful heart ♥
My TRUE TALE for today is a bit unique. It involves me writing a letter to my son, and i hope someday he will read it.
Inspired mostly by the fact that I am tired of encountering people who act like they know more than everyone else, like they are worth more than everyone else and like everyone else should feel lucky to be in their presence, I'm sharing a letter that I wrote to my son on the kind of men I expect them to be.
I may not have been a perfect mom, but I tried to be. I may not have disciplined you enough, or maybe I disciplined you too much. I don’t really know. I fed you and bathed you and clothed you. I bought you toys. I sang to you, read to you, taught you. You were my boy, my precious, baby boy. I got up with you. I stroked your forehead and hair when you were sick. I knew you were not feeling well, because you let me do these things. You were never very cuddly. I keep you warm. I stared at you for days, after you were born. I didn’t want to miss anything. I adored you. I kept you safe. I kept you clean. I soothed you when you cried. I let you stay up late and watch TV.
Do you know that you mean the world to me? I loved you from the moment I felt you inside my belly, flailing your tiny arms.
I was watching you play last night with your Abah and I couldn't help it.. all I could do was stare at you. You both bounced from one thing to the next with such purpose and at the same time with no care in the world. You made each other laugh, you watched TV, you snuggled on the couch with Abah. You ran in circles. You gave me hugs, you asked me something (Ammar, I can't understand all of your words yet.. but I'm certain you were saying something..).
All I wanted to do was figure out how to keep you small, to keep you laughing, to keep you as free as you were.. and as you usually are. But, despite my best efforts, I can't do any of that.
I cannot stop you from growing up. I cannot promise you that your feelings won't get hurt, that your heart won't get broken, that you won't feel defeated and that you won't get knocked down a few times every now and then. I have spent a lot of time lately feeling totally defeated.. but that is because I have not been able to spend a lot of time with you.
You, and your love for the world made me feel better. And while I can't do for your life what you do for mine, I can give you some words of wisdom that will hopefully help you be able to channel that inner happy that you so easily have right now.
Here, my little man, are some things I want you to know, some things I want you to do, and some feelings I want you to never forget..
It's the only way I know how to help you remain in touch with the truly happy little beings we all get to start out as..
You are going to come across people who only know how to knock you down. They may do so with lies or they may do it with ignorance.. or it may be a little bit of both. Be better than them. Do not let them make you question your worth, discount your efforts or flat out give up. Take credit when you deserve it, give credit when someone else deserves it and (very importantly) give credit to yourself when you deserve it. It's ok to think you are awesome.
It's important that people can trust you. It takes lots of time to earn it and seconds to lose it.. and it is tough to gain that trust back. You are going to make mistakes. Some will be small and some will be jolting. Own them. Own them inwardly and outwardly. Become better for them. People will believe your achievements when they know you've owned your failures.
Some days you will be able to do this better than others. And while I would like to say that I never went to bed angry, that has not been the case. Just don't hang on too long to things that are bothering you. If you aren't going to change them or if it is something you can't fix.. take a wudu' sit on your prayer mat, make a dua' to the almighty Allah SWT, take a deep breath and let it go.
If you are in a position of power, walk even more carefully than when you were at the bottom. Don't be the bully.. Do not make others feel less important than you. Do not demean others to make yourself feel better. You are better than that now and I expect you to remain that way.
I'm not saying you have to love every minute of what you do. I'm saying if you find something, anything, whether it be a career or something you do on your own time, do something that makes you feel full..
Say you are sorry when it is necessary.. And please, please, please.. do not always follow the "I'm sorry" with a "but.." Sometimes you just need to be sorry.
Be grateful. Tell people that you are. Say thank you for things, say thank you for words and say thank you for people. You need people. Thank to Allah SWT for every breath "he" gives you..
You will say "I love you" more times than you will even realize.. And while it is an amazing thing to be surrounded by people to say that to, it is even more amazing to slow down and think about how awesome it truly is.
Life is scary. Dreams are scary. Chances are scary. The dark is scary. Whatever the obstacle.. be brave. I don't believe the whole "good things comes easy" thing, but I do believe that some really awesome things are also just outside of your comfort zone. Go there.
You are not the person next to you, and what they have is not always better. Please do not compare your average day to other peoples' exceptional ones. They have average days too. You will never enjoy what you have if you are forever comparing yourself to someone who has more. It's ok to want more.. but want it for you, not because you want to be them.
Pay bills on time and pay them always. Splurge after your bills are paid. You should feel guilty if you buy something before your bills are paid and your family is taken care of.
You cannot do it alone, and the more you try, the more bitter you become. Ask for help. You need it and you, your co-workers and your family will be better because of it.
Don't let job ruin your spirit or your soul. Work is work.. not life. It will drag you down, and it is your responsibility to not let that last too long.. And remember those people I told you to thank? Lean on them to remind you that you need to get up off of the ground, that you are better than this and that life outside of your job is what you are even doing this for in the first place. (Thank them).
Do not use threats. I hope that goes without saying, but in case it doesn't.. threats won't get you anywhere worth going. There are ways to motivate and to get what you want out of the people in your life. Threats are not that way.
Understand the power of your words. Your loving mother wants you to always know how much power you have if you have the ability to use your words wisely.
Actions can speak louder than words, and they usually do. It's cliche. And true.
Be sympathetic. Be empathetic. Know the difference. Feel sorry for someone. Feel bad for someone. Feel angry for someone. Feel with someone. Sometimes you just need to listen and sometimes you need to relate. It is important to your relationships and friendships that you learn when each of these is appropriate.
Remember where you came from. Wherever you are, you worked to get there. Someone else is journeying down that path behind you. Never forget that you were once there too.
See the good and be OK that it's not all always good. Whether it's a nice day outside or you just got a huge bonus. There is something good in every day. There are awful awful days, and there is something good somewhere in them. You don't have to find the good for a day or two, but don't spend too long turning a blind eye to it. You actually have to let the good back in, or you are in trouble.
Understand the worth of folding laundry, washing dishes and knowing where the shoe closet is. Ask your dad. Ask your mom. Ask your wife. So many problems can be avoided by attention to these matters.
Know how important it is to offer help to others. Don't push. But don't assume that everyone knows how to ask for help. Offer it up. People will be grateful.
Give a compliment and take a compliment. I'm bad at them both. It's not an attractive quality.
Know how much I love you. I'm not sure you will possibly know until you have a little one of your own, but someday you will understand the true depth of my love for you.
MOST IMPORTANT be a good muslim, let the Al-Quran be your life guidelines, NEVER EVER give up faith in Allah. be a good imam to your wife. be a good father to your children.
"When a son of Adam passes away, he is cut off from his deeds except for three things: a current or perpetual charity, good knowledge that benefits someone, and a good child who makes dua' (supplication) for him."
I love you, more than you can know now. By the time you do know, you’ll have your own lessons to teach.
Love,
IBU
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