Working Mom Guilt ?

Assalammualikum

Hai Hai

YES it's has been a very long longgggg time i didn't write new entry Ha Ha Ha i have been very busy lately that i have no time to write anymore, but this "one" topic i need to get off my chest, FYI if i manage to posted this, EZA just so you know i haven't start my assignment yet, but i manage to write this (priority gone wrong! give me that medal!) hahahahahaha...

The five-month-old baby, who was found dead inside a refrigerator at his caretaker’s home, died due to severe head injuries from blunt force trauma."

Most feedback received from the incident is;

• "this is one of the reasons I do not allow my wife to work"
• "this is why I'm willing to stop working"
• "this is why I do not want anyone else to take care for my child"

All moms live in fear of being labeled a "bad mom." No matter how much we try to strike an air of nonchalance, it's still a knife to the heart when we feel like our parenting abilities are questioned.

I am here not aim to comment further on what has happened.

This is me sending as much love as I have in myself to any mother who feel guilty because of working (FYI i did not sleep well last night due to overthinking about this incident, so i would not want any other mom to feel that guilt).

Dear Working Mother,

You are doing a great job. And your kids will turn out just fine despite the hours you spend away from them. Truly.

Of course you probably don’t always feel that way yourself. If you are like most working moms I know, you may feel like you’re forever coming up short when it comes to doing enough, giving enough and being enough for your kids. Not to mention your boss, your partner, your aging parents and extended family, and yes, of course, your community. (I haven’t even mentioned doing, being, and giving enough for yourself).

Over the course of seven years of marriage I had two healthy children (yes, very blessed, slightly crazy) in between part time studies and career.  Needless to say, it was during that time I became much more acquainted with mother guilt.

Mother guilt is real. You will experience it from time to time regardless if you're a new at working motherhood or not. 

This is my ways to overcome working mom guilt;

Have a conversation with friends, partners, whoever. Talking can help you unpick the feelings and understanding on its own can often lead to a change in behavior.

Look out for the word ‘should’. If you’re saying you ‘should’ do something, ask yourself who’s telling you to do that and why?

Be kind - especially to yourself. Sometimes it’s useful to ask yourself how you might judge someone else for the behaviour you feel bad about.

Move on! Sometimes we can’t undo the things that make us feel guilty. Then it’s a question of learning how to accept that imperfect side of ourselves and live with it. And sometimes guilt can be useful. It’s a powerful motivator for change.

Am i a PERFECT MOM? my answer is a big fat NO, but i tried (hard). 

I include here tips for choosing a good babysitter or child care, from my experience;

• Ask questions that get to the heart of things.
• Look down. When you're visiting a potential site, pay attention to how the staff interacts with the children.
• Drop by and spy. While word-of-mouth referrals from other parents or trusted resources are important, you need to look at a place for yourself to assess whether it meets your needs.
• Keep talking. Until your baby can talk, you will be relying on what the caregiver tells you about your child's day. Make sure you can communicate comfortably with each other.
• Problem-solve pronto. It's inevitable that you'll experience conflicts with your caregiver, both large and small. Address problems right away rather than ignoring them until they grow out of proportion. Some issues can be resolved quickly; others may require more discussion. Whatever the conflict, treat the caregiver in a respectful manner, but don't be afraid to speak up.

No matter what your work hours, you are still your child's essential caregiver - the most consistent source of love and support in her life. Under your care and guidance, along with the help of your well-chosen caregivers, your baby will flourish and grow into a happy, healthy child.

When you can remain calm no matter what test the Almighty puts in your path, it shows that your  faith in Him is unshakable. The peace you display shows that you acknowledge the fact that He is bigger than all your problems put together. You know He won’t let you down!

أَسْتَوْدِعُكَ ٱللَّهَ الَّذِي لَاتَضِيعُ  وَدَا ئِعُهُ

"I place you in the care of God who will never waste what is in His custody"

I pray all of our children who are sent to the caretaker are well cared by loving person.